Some rambling about straight women writing m/m

Even with me spending a very limited time on social media due to a whole bunch of personal reasons, I noticed how the fact that straight women seem to be in the (far) majority in the m/m romance and erotica genre is an ongoing discussion.

To be honest, I’m mixed about it. My first reaction is: what is the fucking problem? Anyone regardless of sex or sexuality can the hell write whatever they please because you know, people have actually died for that right and still do this very moment, and that right includes fifty year old overweight housewives writing about m/m sex in a way that will make any gay man curl up in a corner and softly weep.

Good writing is good writing. Any experienced and educated reader will recognise it. Not to be confused with personal taste. We all have read books that are incredibly well written and still did nothing for us, and if you don’t have at least some guilty pleasures you are probably not much of a reader anyway.

If I honestly believe that sex or sexuality doesn’t matter one bit when it comes to writing, why then is there still that nagging feeling I’m missing something? That the discussion is missing something?

Perhaps it has to do with my own history and background. I came out as a lesbian in 1979, when I was seventeen. Even in the relatively open and progressive Dutch society it was a sport to find any positive books about gay or lesbian people. So was it a wonder that my first stories about same-sex relationships ended miserable?

There are many steps between realising that gay people exist at all and that you are one of them and giving yourself permission to write about two men or two women falling in love, having sex and not die or go straight in the end.

Now there are so many m/m and f/f stories being published that we have the luxury of looking for the quality ones instead of gobbling up anything that is remotely positive.

And yet, I can’t help but feel that in a way once again I’m a stranger in a strange land. Straight female writers of m/m fiction are good good people and several have so much talent that I can only say, “Fuck, I hate you, but I don’t because I love you too much for that.” But we also come from different worlds and with the vast majority of my fellow writers in the genre I don’t share something I can’t quite put my finger on, but must matter to me, because why else would I write about it?

I have zero problems with straight folks writing gay stuff, and as a Kinsey 6,5 lesbian writing (in dirty detail too) about men having sex with other men I’m hardly in the position to comment about that one.

And still…





In the Privacy of their Home

My new book called In the Privacy of their Home is now available in several e-book formats.

Dylan’s life is regulated and precise, and as a gay man in the England of the 1960s it’s also necessarily secretive; the law regarding homosexuality may have changed, but unfortunately society’s attitudes are slow to catch up. Meeting Max – younger and less inhibited – is a shock to Dylan’s system; suddenly his world, which has been black and white, explodes into vivid colour. But loving Max is not without difficulty; Max is an artist, talented and ambitious, and there’s no way someone as ordinary as Dylan can hold on to him for long … or is there?

privacy cover

You can buy In the Privacy of their Home at:

or at any Amazon store of your preference

Barns & Noble

Hahat, or: Vive la différence!

It’s yet another day against the phobia and hate against people who, for whatever reason, do not conform to the straight-and-narrow ideal. Some because they have no choice but to be who they are, some because the “normal” as no appeal to them, some…. you name it. Yes, it’s still very much needed, if perhaps not for me personally right at this moment, then certainly for many, many of our tribes all over the world.


With a history of over 35 years of being an out and open lesbian, 32 years of which with the same woman, I’ve seen a lot change. One of those changes is that we’re legally married, another that my wife and I have been able to raise two sons to (young) adulthood. Not without its troubles, not without paying the price again and again, but it was possible. Because we made it possible. We didn’t wait until we were given permission, or until the majority was ready for us.

The world has changed within and around our own communities too. I’ll probably never call myself queer, my philosophy about sex and gender is that of an old-fashioned middle-aged feminist (or my personal version of it), I feel a somewhat limited affinity, except that I wish love, health and happiness to every human being, with transgenders and no, my sexuality is not fluent, thank you very much. And I bet that many GLBTers have their very personal variations of what is closed to their heart.

But so what? So what that we’re not always one big happy family who always agree on everything? If we can’t accept the difference between gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgenders with grace and a bit of humour, then what exactly is it that we are fighting for?

So enjoy that we’re not all the same in body, mind and spirit!

ravages 4A            unspoken









Want a chance to win a book? I’m happy to send one  printed copy of either Ravages or Unspoken (with autograph) to a lucky winner. Simply let me know in a reaction (with your e-mail so I can contact you in case you win.) The give-away starts at the 17th and runs through the 24th of May.

Here you go to the IDAHOT

At the Hop against Homophobia blog you’ll find more hahat blogs who are more than worth a visit.




HAHAT 2013








Welcome at my quiet little space on the internet. I’m a woman, I’m married with my partner of 32 years, I’m a mother of two sons (of 18 and 22). So? There are countless women who can roughly say the same thing.

And yet, often enough things change when I tell my partner is also a woman and I had to wait twenty years before I could marry her. (and that’s only because the Netherlands were the first country to allow same-sex marriages under the same law as different-sex ones) And that, yes, our sons have been born and raised in a two-mums family. All of a sudden I’m no longer simply a committed spouse and loving a mum, I’m the “but you don’t look like one” or “yeah, I’m sure both love your sons very much, but who’s the real mother” or “that’s so brave of you, sharing such deeply private information with me”

An so I smile and answer “How is one supposed to look like as a lesbian?” and “We both are, and yes, do feel free to think about why that means, and, a free hint, no, it has nothing to do with genes” and “Thanks for the compliment, and you also congratulations on not hiding the fact that you are straight, even in situations no one really needs to know.”

I also happen to be the writer of Ravages and Unspoken. And yes, both novels are relevant to today’s theme.

If you leave a reaction you make a chance to win a Manifold Press title of choice plus one of my own books.

Also, please visit these other fine places.



Congratulations to the winners

The Ravages on sale week is now over and I’m happy to announce the winners of the give-away.

I already mailed the winners personally, as far as the e-mail addresses are known to me.

Urb, you win a Manifold Press book of your choice.

Jbst, you win a copy of Unspoken. I already sent it to you by e-mail.

Penumbra, you win a $10 gift certificate at either Amazon or AllRomance

Keelie, you also win a $10 gift certificate, but I do need an e-mail address, so I can actually send it to you. (r_a_padmos at hotmail dot com)

Raley, you win a paperback copy of Ravages. Please mail me at r_a_padmos at hotmail dot com about the details.

To everyone: thanks for participating! And to the winners: congratulations!



Ravages strongly reduced in price for a week plus goodies give-away

Beginning from today, the 5th of May and ending on the 12th the e-book version of Ravages will be available at a strongly reduced price. Exact prices may vary a bit depending on where you buy and what part of the world you are, but we’re talking about up to 75% off the original price. So, for instance, if you are in the US you only pay three Dollar or in the UK two Pound for the 95000 word novel at Amazon (kindle edition)

Steve Gavan and Daniël Borghart are professional soccer players for Kinbridge Town – and also secret lovers. All that changes, however, when Steve innocently wanders into a city park and falls victim to a vicious gang of queer-bashers who beat him within an inch of his life. After that there are no secrets any more – and it’s a very long road back, for both of them, from there… More than anything Ravages is a story about love beyond simple romance and about true friendship where none was expected.

Perhaps you want to take a look and see if it’s the kind of story you’d enjoy? Then please go to one of the sites listed below, read the excerpt and decide for yourself.

Or it’s been on your wish list for a while now?


Whether Ravages is your cup of Lady Grey or not, if you’ve taken a peek, let me know and you make a fair chance to one of the following goodies:


– Two gift certificates of $10 (or the same amount in Pound or Euro if available) at either Amazon or AllRomance

– A signed paperback copy of Ravages

– A PDF copy of Unspoken

– A Manifold Press e-book of your choice

Simply react to this post and you make a chance to win. If you already bought the book, you most certainly are invited to give a reaction.

ravages 4A


Ravages is available at the following fine places. Please decide for yourself which one one is most suitable for you.

You own a different reader than Kindle, you prefer to shop somewhere else or have any other reason? Then you can also go to AllRomance and get it for $1.74 in the formats PDF, mobi and Epub

On Sunday the 12th I’ll announce the five randomly picked winners.

Good luck and don’t be shy!

Review for Unspoken at Coffee Time Romance

       I am not sure how it is possible for one story to be so heartbreaking and hopeful at the same time, yet every page of this book reinforces those exact feelings for me. Stefan is a man you may at first want to condemn, but you will find that nearly impossible. He loves so completely, not just Adri, but his family as well, that he will risk almost anything to keep everyone safe. As hard as Stefan wars with is conscience, he is undoubtedly a wonderful father, caring husband, and thoughtful lover which I feel is what makes this such a special read.

Lovely, isn’t it?

The complete review can be found at Coffee Time Romance

Unspoken is available at All Romance E-Books